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Bugbee's Popular Plays 



Hiram and # 
\ the Peddlers 



BY 



WILLIS N. BUGBEE 



Price 25 Cents 



The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



Bugbee's Popular Plays 

Hiram and # 
\ the Peddlers 



BY 

WILLIS N. BUGBEE 

# 

Author of'Coonville'RistocratClub," "Uncle Ephr aim's 
Summer Boarders ," "Jolly Dialogues," "Humorous 
Homespun Dialogues y " "Uncle Si and the 
Sunbeam Club'' etc., etc. 



. Copyright 1916, by Willis N. Bugbee 

The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 






A 



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Hiram and the Peddlers 



*9 



Characters 

Hiram Pringle A Well-to-do Bachelor Farmer. 

Deacon Pettingill A Victim of Hay Fever. 

Jonathan Obadiah Green A Book Agent, 

Percy Bings A Distributor of Perfumes, etc. 

Pat McGinnis. The New Hired Man. 

Jane Pringle Hiram's Maiden Sister. 

Sally Brown Hiram's Old Sweetheart, 



Place: — Hiram } s Home. Time: — Early Summer. 
Time of Playing: About 30 minutes. 

Costumes. 

Hiram wears ordinary farmer's work clothes — no 
coat or vest, large straw hat, etc. Supposed to be 
about 50 years of age. 

Deacon wears coarse slouchy clothing, old soft hat, 
old-fashioned glasses, and walks with aid of cane. 
About Hiram's age and a victim of hay fever and 
rheumatism. 

BpOK Agent wears dark clerical suit and high silk 
hat.,:He carries two books of same size. 

Percy wears business suit and carries a case filled 
with bottles of "Perfume," Hair Renewer, etc. 

Pat wears blue overalls, colored work shirt, large 
straw hat, etc. 

Jane wears morning work dress, large apron, etc. 

Miss Brown wears very plain suit and hat, and 
carries magazines under her arm. She appears to be 
a little under 50 years of age. Jj 



ftO 



■5 



fiCT 13 1916 
©CI.D 45161 Vu / 



Hiram and the Peddlers 

Scene: A plain living room. Jane is discovered 
putting things to rights. (Enteb Hiram, with piece of 
harness and string.) 

Hiram (singing). 

"Oh, where, oh, where is my little dog gone? 

Oh, where, oh, where can he be? 
With his tail cut short and his — 

Jane. What's the matter now, Hiram? 

Hiram. Nothin' only this tormented old harness 
up an' busted an' I've got to set down an' fix it 'fore 
I can go to plowin' agin. 

Jane. It does seem to me that harness of yours is 
breakin' all the time. 

Hiram. Yep, I guess 'tis. It's gettin' purty old 
an' rotten, that's what's the trouble with it. Say, if 
any of them peddlers of yourn come along with har- 
nesses just let me know an' mebbe we can make a 
dicker. 

Jane. I've never seen any of 'em with harnesses 
yet. They have most everything else. Yesterday 
there was a perfect stream of peddlers, one right after 
the other. Jest as fast as one could get out of the 
gate another was bangin' away to get in. First was 
a man sellin' a patent mop wringer, then a woman 
with corsets, next was a soap peddler, then a rag ped- 
dler, an insurance agent, an' I don't know what all. 
I don't know for my part how they all get a livin'. 

Hiram. Neither do I if nobody patronizes 'em any 
more'n you do. 



4 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Jane. How can I? If I was to buy something of 
every peddler that comes along, we'd both on us be in 
the poor house. 

Hiram. Fiddlesticks! That's sayin' a good deal, 
Jane. 

Jane. Wal, figger it out for yourself. There was 
seventeen of 'em here yesterday by actual count. 

Hiram. Great Jupiter! Seventeen in one day! Say, 
say if you w r arn't my own sister I'd say you was as 
bad as Lige Wheeler with his fish yarns. 

Jane. Wal it's a fact because I kept tally. It 
took me more'n half the time runnin' after them ped- 
dlers. I dunno how I'll ever get my bakin' done to- 
day if they keep comin' as fast as they did yesterday, 
There's been one here already this mornin'. 

Hiram. Never mind, you go right along about 
your bakin' an' I'll attend to the peddlers for a spell. 
It'll take me an hour or two to mend this harness an' 
I might's well be seem' to them at the same time. 
It'll be a sort of diversion. 

Jane. It'll be more of a diversion than you're 
countin' on, I'm thinkin', but 'tany rate I'll take you 
at your word, only don't let 'em coax you into buyhv 
every thing that comes along. 

Hiram. Don't worry. I cal'late I'll keep 'em on 
the move an' I won't buy nothin' we don't want either. 
Trust your brother Hiram for that. 

(Sound of whistling outside). 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 5 

Jane. Hark! like enough that's one a comin'now. 
I'll go right along to my bakin'. (Exit r.) 

(Loud knock at the door, l.) 

(Enter Book Agent) 

Book Agent. (lifting hat). Ah, good morning, 
sir. Have I — ah the pleasure of addressing Mr. Pringle? 

Hiram. I dunno jest how much of a pleasure 'tis, 
but that's my name — Hiram for short. 

B. A. (advancing and shaking hands) . Glad to make 
your acquaintance, Mr. Pringle. Your friend, Judge 
Brown, tells me you are one of the most influential 
men of this neighborhood. 

Hiram. Jedge Brown told you that, eh? He's 
usually considered purty good authority. Anyways, 
I try to live respectable an' keep out of debt an' out 
of jail an' that's about as much as any man can do. 
But what's your name may I ask? 

B. A. I am the Rev. Jonathan Obadiah Greene, 
D. D. L. L. D., Ph. D. — 

Hiram. And X. Y. Z? then you're a minister, be 
you? 

B. A. Well-er-not exactly at the present time — 
that is, I've resigned to take up missionary work. 

Hiram. An' so you think I'm in need of a little 
missionary work, eh? Haw! haw! 

B. A. Hardly that, but we need your influence. If 
you will listen to me I will explain my mission in a very 
few words. (Draws chair close to Hiram and proceeds 
with speechwhich he emphasizes with appropriate gestures) 



6 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

In our country to-day, as you know, there are a great 
many unmarried ladies' — "bachelor maids/' if you 
please, or as some vulgar people would say, "old maids." 
On the other hand there are a great many unmarried 
men, or as some would say, "old bachelors. " I've no 
doubt j'ou have both varieties right here in this com- 
munity. Now my idea is to get these people together 
— to wed and make happy homes for each other, thus 
overcoming a great deal of poverty, misery and lone- 
someness. To further this great plan I have written 
a very comprehensive treatise upon the subject, 
to which I have added chapters on "Love and Court- 
ship," " How to propose, "How to accept a Proposal," 
etc., etc. (Shows book as he talks). Now here is a 
picture of a young man in the very act of proposing to 
a winsome young lady. And here is another one of a 
happy family circle. It's my opinion that after one 
has read this book through from cover to cover that 
he will not wish to remain longer in single blessedness. 
(turns pages) Look at the names of some of those 
who have offered testimonials. (Reads) Theodore 

Roosterfelt, , , . (Supply local 

names). Now right here is the place for your name, 
sir. (holds pencil). 

Hiram. But I- — I — gosh ding it — I — 
B. A. Ah you need your glasses, I see. Per- 
haps these are yours here on the table. (Hands glasses 
to Hiram). Sign right there below the Judge's name 
please. (Forces pencil into Hiram's hand ; Hiram writes). 
That's right. And now that I happen to have two 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 7 

copies of the book with me I am going to leave this one 
with you, thus avoiding any further calls for delivery 
and collection. 

Hiram. How much do I have to pay for it? 

B. A. Ah, pardon my oversight in not mentioning 
the price before. The regular price for this binding 
is $5.50, but as you are one of the first subscribers in 
this community I am going to make you a special 
price of $5.25. 

Hiram, (taking money from pocket book). Whee! 
strikes me that's a purty big price for a book of that 
size. I can buy one of them dictionaries that Daniel 
Webster wrote for two dollars an' it's nigh onto five 
times as big as this. 

B. A. But you must consider the value of this 
work, sir, — the fine illustrations, the elegant binding, 
etc. I'm sure that after you've read it through a cou- 
ple of times you'll say it is worth double the money. 

Hiram. Mebbe you're right, I dunno, Here's the 
money. (Hands money). 

B. A. Thank you, sir. Now I must be off. Good- 
day, sir. (Exit l.) 

Hiram. Wal, I'll be blamed if I didn't get took in 
by the fust peddler that come along. But I won't 
say a word to Jane about it or she'll pester the life out 
of me. (Looks at book). "A Happy Married Life" 
Haw! Haw! I cal'late that feller didn't know that I'm 
one of them "old bachelors" he tells about. (Knock 
at door). Hello! here's somebody else a-comin'. 



S HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

(Enter Deacon Pettingill). 

Deacon. Howdy do, Hiram. Til walk right in 
'thout waitin' for sarymony. 

Hiram. That's right, Deacon, long's it's you. I 
thought mebbe 'twas one of them pesky peddlers. 
They're thickern' fleas on a dog nowdays. 

Deacon. Thought I was a peddler, hey? That's 
a good one. Ho! ho! he! he! (Laughs heartily ending 
in a fit of coughing and sneezing). 

Hiram. Wal, how be ye, Deacon? How's the 
world a-usin' you? 

Deacon. Oh, I'm purty well 'ceptin' for the sciatic 
rheumatiz in the left leg an' a leetle hay fever an' 
occasional touches of the asthma. If 'twan't for them 
I'd feel as chirp as a cricket. 

Hiram. I should think mebbe ye might if 'twarn't 
for so many ailments. 

Deacon. Ye — es, I guess I would. How's the 
farm work comin' on, Hiram? 

Hiram. It's doin' fust-rate now, all except the hired 
man. 

Deacon. Yes, I heerd you had a new hired man. 
Purty good worker, eh? 

Hiram. Good worker? Haw! haw! Say, Deacon, 
he don't know as much about farmin' as a two-year 
old baby. Sent him oat to milk the cows 'tother day 
an' what d'ye s'pose? Found him out thar pumpin' 
old Spot's tail up an' down as fast as he could make 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 9 

it go. 

Deacon. Warn't gettin' much milk was he? H©! 
ho! he! he! he! (Ends with another fit of coughing cmd 
sneezing) . 

Hiram. I'm hopin' he'll do better some time. "A 
poor beginning makes a good endin'," they say. 

Deacon. An' how's Jane gettin' along? Purty 
well, I s'pose? 

Hiram. Purty fair to middlin'. She's out doin' 
her bakin' while I'm in here shooin' off the peddlers. 
But speakin' of peddlers, I'll be blamed if I don't 
believe that's one comin' up the road now with his 
satchel. 

Deacon. That bein' the case I cal'late I'd better 
go out an' visit with Jane for a spell. I never had 
much use for peddlers — they've got too much gab to 
suit me. (Hobbles off stage toward r just as Pat enters 
with hat full of eggs. In the collision which follows Pat 
nearly spills the eggs). 

Pat. Och, worry, worry! Yez nearly spilt me eggs 
entoirely, yez old gossoon. 

Deacon. Wal, consarn ye! Can't ye see where 
you're a goin' to? 

Pat. Jist pwhat I was thinkin' about yersilf, sor. 

Deacon, (raising cane). If 'tw r an't for my rheu- 
matiz I'd give ye a whack over the head with this cane. 

Pat. Begorra, thin I'm mighty glad yez have got 
the rheumatiz. 



10 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Deacon. What's that? You're glad I've got the 
rheumatiz? I'll — I'll — (Starts after him but begins to 
cough and sneeze). 

Pat. Begorra, yez betther postpone the job or 
ye'll be snazin' your head clane off, thot yez will. 

(Exit Deacon, l., sneezing). 

Hiram. What do you want now, Pat? 

Pat. I jist want to ax if I'll be afther settin' the 
leetle white hin or that big yellow wan wid the red 
thing on the top iv her head. 

Hiram. Set the white one of course. The other 
one's a rooster you greeny. 

Pat. Och, worry! An' so the big wan is a rooster. 
I do be larnin' some thing new ivery day. I'll jist 
remember thot — the big wan is a hin an' the little 
wan is a rooster. 

Hiram. No, no, I said the big one was a rooster? 
Can't you get anything through your head? 

Pat. Yis, yis, now I know. The little one is a 
hin an' the big wan is a rooster. I'll jist remember 
thot. (Exit singing). 

Hiram. The idee of settin' a rooster! (Knock) 
Come in. 

(Enter Percy Bings) 

Percy. Good morning. Are you the lady — I 
mean is the lady of the house at home this morning? 

Hiram. Wal no, not exactly, as you might say. 
My sister's engaged. Anything I can do for ye? 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 11 

Percy. I usually prefer to see the ladies. 

Hiram. Jest so, but when you can't see 'em what're 
ye goin' to do? She's purty busy this mornin' an' 
besides she ain't feelin' jest right — that is towards 
peddlers. 

Percy. Too bad. You see I am representing one 
of the largest perfumery establishments in the country. 
We are distributing samples of our new "Hollyhock 
Bouquet," to a few select families in each neighbor- 
hood. {Removes cork and holds to Hiram 7 s nose). Now 
just smell of this. Isn't that delicious? 

Hiram. It might do for the wimmen folks, but^ I 
wouldn't give two cents for a ton of it. I'd ruther 
smell fresh clover most any day. 

Percy. My, the women just fall in love with it. 
Now this would make a delightful present for your wife. 

Hiram. My sister, you mean. 

Percy. Why yes — of course, I mean your sister. 
She'll be perfectly charmed with it. (Sees book). By 
the way, I notice by the title of this book that you're 
interested in a very delicate subject. 

Hiram. I'm interested to the extent of five dollars. 

Percy. I understand. Of course it's a secret. 
Nearly all of us are in love at sometime. Love is a 
great thing. As one man has said "Love is the great- 
est thing in the world." (Takes another bottle from 
case). Now this bottle will be just the thing for your 
fair lady. 

Hiram. Consarn ye, who said I was in love? 



12 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Percy. Oh nobody. I just surmised it. And 
there's another thing I've noticed since I've been talk- 
ing with you — you're beginning to have a few gray 
hairs at the temples. Gray hairs are a nuisance. You 
should have a bottle of my wonderful Egyptian Hair 
Renewer. {Takes bottle and sponge from case). It's a 
very simple remedy. Just apply with a sponge like 
this (demonstrating on Hiram's head) once a month, 
that's all. It's the greatest thing in the world to re- 
store hair to its natural color, keeps it from falling out, 
makes it glossy as silk, no oil required. (Stands 
back and looks at Hiram) . 

There! you look at least ten years younger. Now that 
makes just two dollars for the perfume and one dollar 
for the Hair Renewer, or three dollars in all. 

Hiram. But I thought you said you were distri- 
buting the perfumery free gratis. 

Percy. So I did. The perfumery is free but I get 
one dollar apiece for the bottles and mighty cheap at 
that. Almost like cut glass. The ladies'll be might}^ 
glad to get them, I know. (Hands card). Here's my 
card if you need any more of my wonderful Hair Re- 
newer. Now soon's you give me the three dollars I'll 
be going because every body's crazy about this "Holty- 
hock Bouquet." (Hiram hands money). Thank 
you, sir. Good-day. (Exit). 

Hiram. Blast his hide! Here I am taken in by 
another peddler. Paid three dollars for a lot of torn 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 13 

foolery not wuth over ten cents at the most. I'll have 
to hide 'em, so Jane won't see, and I'll never let it 
happen again. (Sound outside). 

(Enter Pat). 
What's the matter now, Pat? 

Pat. Och, I clane forgot which wan yez said was 
the rooster. 

Hiram. Didn't I tell ye the big one was the rooster 
— the one that says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo." 

Pat. Yis, yis, so yez did. I'll remimber nixt toime. 
(Starts to go). Faix, misther Pringle, I jist want to be 
tellin' yez a secret. Thot ould guy wid the rheumatiz 
an' the epizootic is out there a sparkin' wid your sis- 
ter an' their heads are jist so near togither (measures) 
an' I'll bet me shoes they're agoin' to kiss each other 
before they're done wid it. I jist thought I'd be af- 
ther givin' yez warnin'. 

Hiram. Jest what I thought the old fool was after. 

Pat. (looking at book). Begorra, thot's jist pwhat 
I wud be wan tin' mesilf — "A Happy Married Loife, 
an' How to Reach It." Some toime wud yez be lettin' 
me rade it whin yez get through wid it yourself? 

Hiram. Hush, Pat! Don't tell anybody an' I'll 
let you take it. 

Pat. All right. I'll not mintion it at all, at all, 
not even to your sister, be dad. 

Hiram. For heaven's sake, don't mention it to her 
anyway. I don't want her to know it. 



14 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Pat. Faix, an' I'll niver open me mouth. If she 
an' the old guy wid the rheumatiz got hold iv it they'd 
be radin' it the hull blissed toime, I'm thinkin'. Och 
here be some-body comin' so I'll be off. (to himself). 
The big hin is a rooster an' the little wan is the settin' 
hin. (Exit singing). 

(Enter Sally Brown). 

Miss B. Ah, good morning. I was just admiring 
your beautiful home as I came in. It reminds me so 
much of my childhood home with the honeysuckles 
and the roses climbing over the porch. It just makes 
me think of what Mr. Shakespeare or some body else 
wrote in one of their poems: 

"You may break, you may shatter the 

vase if you will, 
But the scent of the roses will hang 

round it still." 

Hiram. Wal, we think a good deal of our old home 
ourselves, sister and I, but we ain't thought much a- 
bout what the poets said. Don't have time. 

Miss B. I suppose not. Farmers are always so 
busy in summer and then in winter when they do get 
the time the posies are all gone. Seem's if things were 
just turned around wrong end to. 

Hiram. I ain't much of a hand to complain. I 
take things as they come. But 'fore we go any farther 
with this here conversation I'd kinder like to know 
what you're a sellin' of. Hain't got a book that tells 
how to make money grow on bushes, or a medicine 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 15 

to make an old feller grow young agin, or mebbe 
you're distributin' free samples of something or other, 
an' sellin' the bottles to keep it in. 

Miss B. Really you must excuse me. I was so 
taken up with your cozy home that I actually forgot 
my errand. I am taking subscriptions for the 

"Woman's Suffrage Advocate." Bo you believe in 
womens' suffrage, may I ask? 

Hiram. I don't believe in any body's sufferin' any 
more'n they're obleeged to, but I s'pose the wimmen 
have got jist as much right to suffer as the men folks 
if they want to. 

Miss B. He! he! he! I see you're quite a hand to 
joke. What I mean is — are you in favor of women 
voting? 

Hiram. Oh, thats a different question, but fur's 
I'm consarned I won't hinder 'em. 

Miss B. Then I see you're not opposed to it and 
I'm sure you'll like to be a subscriber to the Woman's 
Suffrage Advocate. You niay place your name right 
here. (Hands paver and pencil). 

Hiram. Gee Whillikins! Does that mean another 
five dollars? I jest paid fiv^e dollars for the privilege 
of signin' my name. 

Miss B. Oh my, no. It'll only cost you fifty cents 
for a three month's trial subscription. 

Hiram. Wal, that's lettin' a feller off purty rea- 
sonable. Cal'late I'll try it for three months anyway. 
(Signs name). 



16 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Miss B. (looking at name). Hiram Pringle? Can 
it be you're the same Hiram Pringle that was over to 
Tewksbury some years ago? 

Hiram. I cal'late that's me. 'Twas jest twenty- 
seven years ago this winter near as I can recollect, — 
an' you? Seem's as if your face is kinder familiar. 
(Looks at her closely). 

Miss B. Why, don't you remember Sally Brown 
that used to work in the millinery store? 

Hiram. Wal, I'll be blessed if you ain't. How be ye 
anyway? (Shake hands). Like sellin' magazines bet- 
ter'n makin' hats, eh? 

Miss B. Not that, but I couldn't stand the close 
work and of course a woman that's all alone in the 
world has to do something for a living. 

Hiram. So you're alone eh? You're an "old maid" 
and I'm an "old bachelor." Who'd a thought sech a 
thing when we was back at Tewksbury. 

Miss B. We certainty did have some good times, 
didn't we? 

Hiram. Yes-sir-ee, you're jest a whoopin! Recol- 
lect that party us young folks went to over to Pikeville 
an' got snowbound an' had to stay for three days? 
Ha! ha! ha! (Both laugh). An' the protracted meetin's 
— you ain't forgot them? 

Miss B. No, nor the singing school, either. 

Hiram. Neither have I. I cal'late I can sing the 
do- re-me jest as well as ever. (// desired, he may 
start the scale and she may join in). 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 17 

Miss B. Say, do you remember Mr. Pope that 
used to stutter so, and how he used to sing. 

Hiram. Wal, I should say so ! Old Zebadiah Pope 
most be goin' on towards seventy-five now. 

Miss B. I heard he'd just got married to a lady 
'most forty years younger than he. 

Hiram. Married, eh? Old Zebadiah married! Ha! 
ha! There's hope for us yet, Sally. An' say, d'ye 
recollect that question I asked you at that last singin' 
school? You said you wanted time to think it over, 
but you never gave me any answer. 

Miss B. I've never forgotten it, Hiram. 

Hiram. Wal, I'm wait in' for the answer yet. I've 
been waiting for it all these years. What d'ye say, 
Sally — is it yes or no? 

Miss B. I've decided to say yes, Hiram. I'm tired 
of fighting life's battles alone. 

Hiram. Bully for you, Sally! You're the best 
gal, I know. We'll be hitched as soon as we can get 
things arranged in proper order an' then you're a comin' 
here to live in the old homestead. 

Miss B. That will be lovely, and I shall not care 
whether women have the right to vote or not. I shall 
be satisfied to have you vote for me, Hiram. 

Hiram. We'll have to break the new r s to— sister. 
I dunno how r she'll like it but who cares — there's room 
enough here for us all — an' gosh ding it — I feel as 
happy as a kid. (Dances about and sings). 



18 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

(Enter Jane). 

Jane. My stars and garters! Hiram Pringle, have 
you gone crazy or are you intoxicated? 

Hiram. Neither one, my dear sister, unless it be 
intoxicated with love. Allow me to present to you 
Miss Sally Brown, the future Mrs. Pringle. 

Jane. Well, of all things! What be ye talkin' a- 
bout, Hiram? 

Hiram. Jest what I said. Miss Brown an' myself 
are engaged to be married an'— 

Jane. Engaged to be married? My land! I've 
heerd of love at first sight but I never heerd of any- 
thing quite so sudden as this. 

Hiram. 'Tain't so very sudden after all. It was 
over twenty-seven years ago that I fust popped the 
question to Sally. 

Miss B. It was when Mr. Pringle spent the winter 
at Tewksbury and — 

Jane. An' you never told me a word about it? 

Hiram. A feller don't usually mention sech affairs 
till he finds out how the land lies himself. I've jest 
got my answer not more'n five minutes ago. 

Jane. Wal, I'm glad to meet you, Sally, for Hi- 
ram's sake. 

Miss B. And I'm very happy to know Hiram's 
sister. 



HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 19 

Hiram. Then we'll all be happy together, won't we? 

Jane. (Discovering book etc.) Wal, do look here! 
Ill bet you've bought something of every single peddler. 

Hiram. You've struck it about right, Jane, but 
I said I wouldn't buy anything we don't need. 
Perfumery always comes in handy. (Hands one bottle 
to Jane and one to Miss Brown). And as for this 
book I'm going to present it to my sister in honor 
of her forty-fifth birthday, which occurs tomorrow. 
(Hands book to Jane). 

Jane. Hiram Pringle, what d'ye mean a-tellin' of 
my age. * 

Hiram. Wall, it don't need to go any farther. An' 
here my dear sister, is the Wonderful Hair Renewer 
guaranteed to banish gray hairs forever. After once 
using no one would ever take you to be over sweet 
sixteen. Look at me — not a gray hair to be seen. 

Jane. Land sakes! I do believe you're comin' into 
your second childhood. 

Hiram. I feel like it anyway. I feel as happy as 
a kid with his first pair of pants. 

Miss B. And so do I — I mean just as happy as 
I was twenty-seven years ago. 

Jane. I don't believe either one of ye feel any 
happier or younger'n I do, an' far's the book goes I 
don't think we have any use for it. Have we Deacon? 

Hiram. What? Has it gone so far as that? 



20 HIRAM AND THE PEDDLERS 

Deacon. Yes, Hiram we've jest closed the deal. 
Your sister is comin' to live with me. My rheumatiz 
is purty nigh gone already '. 

Hiram. How about the hay fever? 

Deacon. I caFlate that won't last long after dog 
days is over. 

Jane. An' we'll have a "happy married life" to- 
gether. Won't we, Deacon? 

Yes, dear, as happy as turtle doves. (Coughs and 
sneezes). 

Miss B. What will you do with yonr book now, 
Hiram? 

Hiram. Don't worry. There may be others that 
ain't so fortunate as we are. 

Pat. (Advancing from door, l.) Begorra if no wan 
wants it I'll be afther takin' it mesilf. I'll jist be 
afther tachin' me Nora the sacrets of "A Happy Mar- 
ried Life," thot I will. 

Miss B. Then we'll all be young lovers once more. 
Jane. Thanks to Hiram's peddlers. 
curtain 



TWO DECIDED NOVELTIES 

FOR PRIMARY GRADES 



The Midgets* Grand Parade 

A delightful pageant of little drills, marches, songs and pantomimes 
for the tiny tots. Introduces Mayor, Selectmen, Band. Firemen, 
Tradespeople, Suffragettes, Etc., of Midget Town, all in characteristic 
costume. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 



The Funny Little Food Folks 

A novelty entertainment for children. Requires 5 boys and 4 
girls, or more. Prof. Heideldorfer gives his famous lecture on pure 
foods and the "Funny Little Food Folks** appear unexpectedly srd 
sing catchy songs. Easy to get up. Time, about 30 min. 25 cents. 



A SPLENDID NEW PLAY 

FOR INTERMEDIATE GRADES 



Closing Day at Beanville School 

By Willis N. Bugbee. For 7 boys and 8 girls (more or less). 
One of the most popular of the grade plays. Just the kind of play- 
that teachers and pupils and parents all like. Easy to produce. No 
scenery required. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 

The Willis N, Bugbee Co., Syracuse, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



Three Splendid 

FOR OLDER 





017 400 519 9 



The Coonville 'Ristocrat Club 

A negro entertainment in one act by Willis N. Bugbee. For 6 
males and 6 females. Represents a meeting of the 'Ristocrat Club. 
One of the few negro plays that is entirely free from all vulgarity, 
Extremely funny. Suitable for school, church or society. Time, I 
hour. 25 cents. 



Hiram and the Peddlers 

A farce in one act by Willis N. Bugbee. For 4 males and 2 
females. Hiram agrees to look after the peddlers while his sister 
Jane attends to her baking, and the way he gets taken in is a cau- 
tion. All ends happily however. Pat, the hired man, and Deacon 
Pettingill furnish considerable comedy. Time, 30 min. 25 cents, 



Uncle Si and the Sunbeam Club 

FOR GRAMMAR GRADES 



By Willis N. Bugbee. A play in two acts for grammar grades 
or lower high schools. For 7 males and 7 females. Has given im- 
mense satisfaction wherever presented. Gives opportunity for two 
or three songs, or other specialties. Time, 40 min. 25 cents. 



The Willis N. Bugbee Co., Syracuse, N. Y. 



